March 5th, 2006


New Word

Stephen Colbert fanfiction has a new word every show. I run through words about once every three weeks. I really like to squeeze the last bit of usage out of 'em before they get boring. It was fun when my word was "666," everyone probably thought I was possessed.

Recently I found myself calling lots of things "ridiculous." The end of Watchmen, that was pretty ridiculous! Other things that were ridiculous included, but weren't limited to: Aeon Flux (ridiculously bad), the official opening of Winterlude, the weather every four days out of seven, and the weird alternate dimension in Chrono Cross that looked like Van Gogh shot MC Escher with John Wilkes Booth's pistol and the blood landed on my PlayStation. The dimension itself was pretty neat, but the way I couldn't use the damn save crystal right away even though it was freakin' suppertime was kinda... ridiculous.

Now I think I'm in a moving phase. This is very exciting, because I don't normally notice the change until well after it's happened, but in this case I'm pretty sure I know where I'm headed. Lately, I've been coming up with a lot of plans. Conspiracies, if you will. And they're all 100% concrete.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you my new word: foolproof.

Not that I'm saying my plans are literally protected from fools and fools alone, oh no. That's only the first line of defense, my friends. These plans are proofed against fools, wise men, angels, demons, forces of nature, acts of gods, paper cuts, dumb animals, smart animals, hyperintelligent animals from beyond the grave, furries, zombie furries, motorcycle gangs, bigtime mobsters, smalltime gangsters, anyone and everyone involved in the making of the Godfather trilogy, terrorists, extremists, extreme terrorists, extreme snowboarders, fast food employees, executives, junior executives, anyone who could be described as having an "Andy Griffith quality," Swiffers and their wide range of accessories, Lysol spray, mace, maces, sabres, sabre-rattlers, Texas rattlers, Texas rangers, New York Rangers, Perfect Strangers, all those creepy 30-year-olds who run Hermione Granger fansites, Japanese fans, Chinese rappers, France, revolutionaries, Revolution #9, any singer or band who's ever covered "Blackbird" in an uncrowded pub on a Wednesday night, Friends of the National Gallery, longshoremen, succubi, the National Football League, the Canadian Football League, the British Dental Association, the Terry Fox Run, any and all other persons, groups, brotherhoods, committees, coalitions, or departments that could potentially disrupt, disable, or otherwise throw a monkey wrench into the works, and especially David Cronenburg.

CRONENBURRRRG! You've foiled my plans for the last time, Cronenburg!

But it's awfully hard to remember all of those, so I'm just gonna say "foolproof" and leave it at that.

Re: Oscars

Uma Thurman: "A screenplay starts when a brilliant writer with a clear vision sits down and begins to create."
Me: "Hah! ...Excuse me. I guess she just doesn't know very many writers."