March 29th, 2006

Mike vs. Acid Tim

Mike versus Acid Tim: Behavioral Research

Tim leads Mike down to Raven Haven Books, on the corner. "Right here, in the window." He points to a particular book. "Metroids in Behavioral Research. Now you tell me what the fuck Metroids have to do with Behavioral Research?"

Mike peers closely at the book title. "You got it wrong," he says, not damning Tim's cognitive skills, but not particularly celebrating his creative side either. "It's Methods in Behavioral Research."

Disbelieving, Tim squints, tipping down his tea-shades to see better. Jericho once told Tim that tea-shades were old fashioned. "Too sixties," he said. Tim was inclined to go on the defensive. He argued that the sixties were the Boom generation; of course a mass of change-driven youths were going to create excitement and chaos within their timeframe. Now the children, the Echo, were stepping up to the plate, walking out of universities nation-wide with pointless degrees and a newfound appreciation of the mass media, and they were looking for their place with a charged message that would have sent McLuhan straight into hiding. Along with Don McLean. Hockey Night needed a shakeup as far as he was concerned - no, that wasn't it, what were they debating again?

This was why Tim was Jericho's favourite customer. "The tea-shades."

"Yes! We are the second coming of the tea-shaders. And the Boom is now the elder generation, so we have more to rage about! We're going to outdo our parents, and then we're going to have small single-child families, ostensibly because we care about overpopulation, realistically because we don't want our kids to have a shot at their own population-bulge-fuelled revolution." He shook his head. "Fucking hockey! You still pulling for Toronto?"

Jericho admitted he was, but his family was from good money; they could afford to be Leafs fans. Tim squints, rereads the title. "I'll be damned. Doesn't say a thing about Metroids."

"Sorry, bro." Mike starts across the street, intent on getting some chips from the Pronto, making this trip worthwhile. "Good idea, though. You could write a book on Metroid behaviour. It isn't all that complicated."

"True! It's all, squee squee eat eat squee squee freeze missile charge beam."

"And once in a while, one gets confused about its parentage."

"That's a good thing! There's documented evidence that a confusing larval period leads to hyper-growth in the adult stage. That's just good business sense."

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