There's even more hilarity in store today! It's like a double scoop.
It's come to my attention that if I knew flash, I could supplement my journalistic integrity quite nicely by not shooting puppies.
If you're still not amused after all that, do what I did: take a good look at wikipedia's entry on Scientology. What's scary is that certain elements actually coincide with some of my own beliefs! Not the bit where they froze aliens and blew them up near volcanoes with hydrogen bombs, but the stuff about past traumas affecting present life. Sort of like a metaphysical butterfly effect - an ant gets trodden upon in 1587, and its death reverberates into a lapse of judgement that causes a six-car pileup in 1998. The thing is, I didn't really get the vibe that good past experiences could come forward; it seems like horrific subjugation and incredibly depressing events have been the norm for quintillions of years in the Hubbard system. (I also find it oddly suspicious that some of the worlds in the memory implants looked like England, but that doesn't seem like such a pressing issue.) Anybody know a Scientologist who could tell me something nice that happened for them in a previous life? Or, failing that, a Scientologist who could take heavy umbrage at me so I can pick up some free publicity?