October 29th, 2006

Cautious Pessimism

Confessions Pt. IV

Because Poe told me to.

- I'm the one who took the microchip that played "Happy Birthday" out of the card and sewed it into your chair so you wouldn't find it until you went insane and threw the chair down the hallway.
- I shot the deputy before Marley got a chance to.
- I didn't shoot JFK, but I did go back in time and tell the other guy on the grassy knoll that he should totally do it.
- Edmonton Eskimos missing the playoffs? Yeah, that was me.
- I borrowed your jacket and left it on top of your shed.
- I dropped an empty flask of rum and instead of picking it up, I just kicked it into the canal.
- I did the mash, I did the monster mash.
- I not only put the bomp in the bomp-de-bomp-de-bomp, but also the ram in the rama-lama-ding-dong.
- There were never any sharks, those were just plywood fins I made.
- Remember when we showed up at the movie, and there was nobody else there, and I thought it was kinda cool but you got creeped out and we had to go to an outdoor symphony instead? It wasn't just a coincidence. I really thought you'd like watching a first-run screening of Saw III on a fifty-foot screen, just you and me, all makin' out whenever the plot got boring or whatever. I don't even like the Saw movies that much! I was just trying to make you happy. I've ruined Halloween.